Office by Alex Penny
Dib here, of the Swollen Eyeball Network. Patrolling the streets for alien filth and keeping London safe in the name of Queen Victoria.
Someone actually took the time out of their day to write this.
Ponder that as you go about your day.
Ponder it.
Ponder.
((Because this seems like the kind of shit Dib would happen upon and be scarred for life by.))
((*dead*))
((did you read it?))
((Yes. At least they gave him money for a new suit at the end… his suits are always so nice.))
((I got to the “Ia ia Cthulhu fthagn” part and lost it. Lovecraft is forever ruined for me.))
Someone actually took the time out of their day to write this.
Ponder that as you go about your day.
Ponder it.
Ponder.
((Because this seems like the kind of shit Dib would happen upon and be scarred for life by.))
((*dead*))
((did you read it?))
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "Well... that's just silly."
“Silly, but terrifying.”
Someone actually took the time out of their day to write this.
Ponder that as you go about your day.
Ponder it.
Ponder.
((Because this seems like the kind of shit Dib would happen upon and be scarred for life by.))
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "No face? How does he breathe? Or eat? Or see?"
“That’s the thing, no one knows.”
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "It's not a carnivorous, black alien with extendable jaws is it? Because I ran into one of those recently. It didn't seem so bad. Stupid and vicious, yes, but not too bad."
“Carnivoro- w- no. No, it- he- he’s human, I think. Or humanoid. But no extendable jaws. No face, actually.”
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "So a Big-Foot is some sort of monkey...? And I don't know, I think I read about a Slender-thing somewhere."
“Well, technically he’s an ape… And as for Slenderman, you… you might just wanna leave that one alone.” Dib shuddered.
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "What is a Big-Foot...?"
“It’s a large North American ape-like, humanoid… thing…”
a-better-invader-deactivated201: "What is a Slenderman?"
Dib quirked an eyebrow. “Who told you about Slenderman?”
“Does it look like I care? DOES IT, TAK?” Dib seethed and pulled off his tie, hurling it at Tak. “You could be a damn fish for all I care!” This was not going well. “And for your information, civilized people don’t just go around kissing people they’re trying to destroy!”
“My civilization is countless years ahead of yours! And what do I care about your silly Earth customs anyway? I’ll do what I want, which includes kissing people even if I plan on destroying them later! AND STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME!” She whipped off her other glove and started hitting him with it, intent on finding a way to knock him unconscious with the little piece of fabric. Stupid humans. Stupid DIB. Stupid kissing.
Dib waved his hands at the glove, trying to grab it and wrench it from Tak’s hand. “You started it! And if you’re so damn advanced, why did you need me to help you find your ship? And why are you trying to assault me with a glove when you have all those weapons in your PAK? Huh? Wait…” Alas, Dib realized a moment too late that he had shot himself in the foot on that one.
He did have a point. She could have easily taken him down… so why hadn’t she? Because she didn’t really want to. But it was easier to keep being outraged than to admit that. “I don’t have to stand for this! I’m leaving!” Tak shoved her hand back in her glove and began to search for the other one, making sure to stomp on his tie a few times as she looked for it. “And don’t worry, you won’t be seeing my horrible reptilian self anymore! Not until the day you see the Armada landing on your doorstep, that is! Then you’ll be sorry!”
Dib groaned as Tak began retrieving her effects and stomping on his. “You know, for an advanced alien race, Irkens sure are temperamental,” he grumbled, picking up his tie and hat and moving towards the door. “I’d offer to show you out, but clearly you already know your way around my home AND MY BEDROOM.”
